DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
