the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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