omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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