she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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