Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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