Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
they're like a gay fantastic four
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
