i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
