btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
