I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
