I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
