What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
