This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
