hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't notice because vodka
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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