I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
