My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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