I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
