I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
