He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
