are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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