I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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