why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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