There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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