i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
