We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize