I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
