Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
