if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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