About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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