When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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