please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
