I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
