In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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