Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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