i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
