Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
