I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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