when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
