Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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