Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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