I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
