So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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