did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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