he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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