I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
