Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
