you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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