She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
