We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think my moral compass just broke
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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