I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
