He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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