remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
