Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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