I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
