I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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