He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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