Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
