I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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