the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
