question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
