So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
