and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would fuck him just for his dog
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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