every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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