two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
