cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
