i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
