i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
