Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
