A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
