you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
