Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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