Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
