Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
